Nosey rosey.....

In a relationship, is it okay to go through your bf's things??? I would like to believe that in a perfect world you wouldn't feel compelled to snoop around in your bf's shit. Does there come a time in your relationship where snooping is acceptable? When assumably there are no more secrets. If you are in a relationship do you still maintain your constitutionally protected right of privacy? I was left 9 days in my bf's apartment and I didn't snoop around. If he trusts me enough to leave me there for 9 whole days do I really think he's going to be stupid enough leave some detrimental shit behind?? If you find something, does that fact that found it in the drawer underneath his t-shirts stuffed in an envelope wrapped in some foil make any difference?? Is the determining factor what you found? I like my privacy and don't like to feel like I can't have a secret if I want to. What about the cell phone?? Is it okay to check his received and dialed calls? texts? picture mail?? Does the same apply for blackberry's which is essentially email?? In relationships, must your skeletons all be revealed??
I remember a time when I was at my bf's house. He lived with his mom (this was 10 years ago folks). I was left at his house while him and his mom went to the store. Not more than 3 minutes after they left I headed to his room straight to the closet. I knew I didn't have much time so I figured I might as well get in and get out quick. I was knee deep in his box of pictures and I look up to find him and his mother staring at me in disbelief. I was mortified. There was no explanation. I simply told him I wanted to look through his pictures. He was upset and rightfully so. They had just come back because she forgot something and were planning on leaving me there again. I was like no way jose!! He didn't want me to leave but I couldn't stand the thought of his mother thinking that I was a sneaky little girl. I left. That was not the first or last time I have been through a bf's shit. I wonder once I'm married do the circumstances change. Can you have secrets if you're married?? Doesn't seem right to keep secrets yet it feels all wrong to be one open book. I guess that's why people, men in particular, are so afraid of marriage. It almost feels like you lose yourself in the process. Is what you do always his business?? I wonder.....
So folks, tell me about a time when you got caught snooping around....

Girl Fight the sequel....

So peep...me and my cuz was in Vegas chillin. Hit the strip for a night out on the town. We mistakenly ended up at a techNO club but we paid a dub to get in so we decided to at least have a drink before we bounced. It was stupid crowded. No black faces in sight. We're walking around looking for somewhere to sit. I noticed these two dudes get up and so I immediately rushed the seats. This older Russian dude sitting a couple seats down came over to me and said those were his lady friends seats. I'm thinking yeah right I just saw two dudes get up, miss me with that. So I tell him I'm not moving. My cousin was trying to be nice and got up. I spot an empty chair a little ways away so she goes and grabs that one. I'm like fuck him I ain't moving no where. So the Russian was like, "did you hear me or do I need to say it in 5 different languages"? I put 5 fingers in his face. So these chicks walk up and one of them sits on the arm of my chair. This bitch had obviously lost her muh fuckin mind. So my cousin stands up and someone whisks the chair from beneath her. I'm like what the fuck that ain't even your chair. So I push the chick off my chair and barely lift up out of my seat and dude snatches my chair too. Now because I hadn't really gotten up I was tossed to the floor, my orange suede candies go flying and I find myself on the carpet with my chocha showing cause my dress was rather short. Me and my cousin are fuming. So the two chicks sit down as if nothing happened. Now its about 4 women and 2 men in their group. Much older than us. So what do I do....in one clean sweep I knocked ALL of they drinks off the table. The Russian dude rushes me and I think he might have taken a swing but I was unphased. But that wasn't enough. One of the chicks is wiping the table off and in doing that she's splashing the liquid on me. I'm like bitch you better stop wetting me. She says its your fault you're the one who knocked the drinks off the table. I reiterate, bitch you better stop wetting me. She looked dead in my face and says "do you want me to throw this drink on you?" I say WORD and snatched her drink and poured it down her face. Take that bitch!!! Once again the Russian rushes me. I think he made contact this time but I didn't care cause I was a ninja on a mission. So now I'm SUPER heated. I had decided that I wasn't going no where until someone got hurt and it wasn't gonna be me. Out the corner of my eye I see this big black dude approaching us. I grab his arm and told him I needed a favor. Very briefly told him what was going on. I told him ALL I needed him to do was make sure the Russian didn't get at me cause I feared the next time he might have drawn blood. He had crazy written all over him. I turned around for a second and the black dude got ghost. I'm like FUCK!! Whatever it was still going down. All I know is I took my wooden hill and cracked that bitch as hard as I possibly could. The bitch screamed in agony. She was crying so hard. Right at that moment security came and escorted both parties out. They took us one way and them the other. We actually met up in the back of the club. The bitch was still crying. I looked at her and said "you shouldn't have fucked with me STUPID BITCH"!!!!!! Her eyes were black from her mascara running. To make matters worse I laughed in her face and all the way out the club. I don't fuck with techNO anywayz.

It's about to be A WHAT a girl fight...

Now it may be hard to believe but a sistah has been in her share of fights, at least 5 good ones. My temper was quick and so was my jab. I use to talk so much shit that I had to back that shit up. I know people who would never dream of being in a real live fist fight to the death...death I say. One may think that girls mostly fight over men. This is true but not in ALL cases. 3 of my 5 good fights were totally random and people love when I tell these tales of yesteryear. Before I get to telling about my rumbles in the jungles I want to say at this age fighting is not cool. We have too much to lose to be knocking bitches fronts out which is always my goal. Give that bitch something to remember when she go home and ask herself why on earth did I pick the tall skinny bitch to pick on. Don't let the light skin fool you...I will drop kick yo ass in a heartbeat and crush yo skull after I piss on your face. Oh yeah it goes down.
In any event, here's my story....so I was about 19 at the time when the shit cracked off. I was pulling into the parking lot of this shopping center where my dentist was located, Northeast from where I live...and by this I mean China muh fuckin town. The car in front of me stopped abruptly and so I honked two times (this becomes relevant later). Realizing he had just found a parking spot I proceeded to go around him at which time he gave me the finger. Without even thinking about it I returned the favor. Pulled up, parked and went straight to the back of my dentist's office to wash my hands. Mind you I had been going to this dentist for well over 10 years. As I'm returning to the front of the office I hear loud voices and I'm thinking to myself, what the heck is goings on. At that time, I noticed this ill tempered 5 foot Asian guy headed my direction screaming "why did u honk at me why did you honk at me...you honk 2 times (putting 2 fingers in my face)"? Slightly amused I say "what are you talking about I will honk until my horn falls off, what's your problem." So he then tells me that I woke up his son and says "why did you honk at me you black beetch." I'm like WORD "call me a black bitch one more time and I'm going to slap the fuck outta you." So his little bitty ass pushed me out of his face cause by that time I was all up in his funky ass grill. So as promised I slapped the fuck outta him knocking his glasses off his face and cutting the bridge of his nose. By this time his wife had come in with a kid on her hip and holding another one's hand. He noticed his wife had just seen him get bitch slapped and turned around and upper cutted me to the stomach. Didn't feel the effects of that until later that night...little fucker! My brother heard the noise and hopped out of the dentist's chair novocained out the game and jumped in the middle of me and the little Asian. The only thing that stopped was him getting at me. When I say I commenced to whopping off in his ASS I say I temporarily lost my mind and beat him like he stole something. I'm about 5'8 so I was towering over both of them. I proceeded to single handedly, and by that I mean I really only used one hand because the other hand was holding my pocketbook, deliver 25-30 blows to the head. His wife tried to stop the beat down at which time I gave a good solid blow to the chest and said "bitch get off me." Finally my brother was able to stop the madness. Dude, looking like he had just seen a ghost, (yeah the ghost of slaves past and present) left the office and called the police. Po po's come in and immediately put me in handcuffs. I see dude outside with the ambulance pointing at his head. I'm balling crying thinking about explaining this shit to my mom. After I told my E true Hollywood side of the story, they let me go and wrote it up as a mutual combat and ordered us to appear in court. Went to a hearing designed to informally resolve the issues but dude really wanted to press charges against me. He failed to tell the officer that he had pushed me first. Dude could barely speak English and the officer was able to manipulate the situation and get him to say, on record, that he pushed me first (self defense bitches). So no charges were ever brought. However, I wasn't satisfied with that and neither was my soon to be step dad "the lawyer." We filed a civil case against him for assault and battery, you know ninjas always trying to get paid. Come to find out, he had no money and I forced him into bankruptcy which at the very least fucked up his credit for 10 years. If you ever ask my brother why he didn't jump in, he'll tell you "my sister didn't need no help." My only regret was showing my ass in front of Dr. Chung...I love him. It took me awhile to return to his office but I gotten a cavity and so I had to go. I asked him if hated me and he said No. I was very happy they treated me as if it I hadn't totally showed my ass in his officer beating one of his very own to pulp...I made orange juice with his baby premie ass. Lol
Now it's your turn...tell me about a story when you got into a fight and if you've never had the pleasure of whopping someone's ass, tell me about a time where you was this close (my two fingers are really close together) to proving to someone that you don't take no shit.

Let's talk about sex baby...let's talk about you and me...

All bullshit aside, does size really matter?? I can recall one of my very good friends from high school once told me the best sex she ever had was with a dude with a smenis (small penis...ac). Fortunately and sometimes unfortunately, I've never really had a really small one. I know all my ex boo's are breathing a sigh of relief. The smallest I've had was with a dude who was half black half mexican, you do the math...but erect it wasn't half bad. It sucked cause he was fine as shit!!!!! What I have had is the ding dong that is toooooooooooooooooo big. Some might say this doesn't exist...oh but it does. There was never a time when it didn't hurt. It hurt going in, it hurt coming out, couldn't take it from the back...didn't want it from the back...on top was horrible...but I took it, all in the name of love. Go fucking figure. And then there was dude that was HUNG and on top of that he wasn't circumcised which added an additional centimeter or two to the circumference. I'm sooooo cool, what the fuck do I look like. Anywho, I take the position that size does matter but bigger is not always better. I do have boundaries...I think they are called walls!!! But for you women who prefer big 10 inch donkey dicks, here's a way to weed out the smenis'...ask the dude if he's ever given a women a bladder infection??? If he hasn't, he's probably not worth the fuck...if he has, you may just have yourself a winner. Now I prefer 7-8 inches tops. I'll take 6 if you got the right moves. Presently, I'm getting it better than any woman should so its all to the good. And I'm just going to leave it at that.
Okay so here's my story. I was talking to this dude, really liked him but was taking things slow as I usually do. We fooled around but I never saw his thang and interestingly enough, never felt it. Now I was quite sure what to think about that. There were times when we were kissing and I was on top of him in the fucking position and didn't feel any bulge. You would expect to feel some kinda of bulge right?? Nope never not once. Was too afraid to touch it because that's like a sign saying I wanted it and I didn't. Tried many ways to decipher what he was working with but to no avail. Although this theory is by no means full proof, I wondered whether it was anything like his fingers and feet...short and stumpy. That's never good. In any event I finally caught a glimpse of it after he showered and it didn't even hang below the balls. Looked like a baby's dick, a little wee wee. What the fuck am I suppose to do with that? Is it even suckable?? When you can only use your pointer finger and thumb to hold on to it something something just ain't right. I'm use to having to use my whole fist and then some. Shit two hands. Needless to say, it NEVER went down. Shortly thereafter figured out a way to let him down gently. Didn't want to give the guy a complex but there was no way I was coming close to that.
You already know...tell me your worst sex story or your best...
I add to my THINGS TO DO LIST never date a guy with short stumpy fingers and toes...that don't even sound attractive.

Again I must ask, what about your friends??

After much thought, well like 10 minutes which is ample time for me, I decided to question the loyalty of our friends. I've had a few minor situations when it comes to those I choose to keep in my life. I call them minor because if they were MAJOR that would mean someone got knocked the fuck out!! There is one thing I do not play with and that's friendships. I value my friends so much that if I feel I've been double crossed triple crossed or kriss krossed JUMP JUMP, I will surely let you know about it. Do right by me and I'll do right by me. All friends are not the same and therefore you can't expect the same things from them. Some friends are for seasons, some for reasons, and some for a lifetime. The friends for a lifetime you should cherish with all your heart. Those are your girls who are by your side, rich or broke, sane or insane, happy or sad, single or married, hairless or hairy!! But every now and again you slip up and allow someone in your life that isn't right for you. They may be jealous or miserable or broke or just plain clueless.
So here's my story, so I had a girl, let's call her Lil D, who I went to high school with that I was pretty close to. My other girl, we'll call her Lil A, dated my boyfriend's best friend. So it was my boyfriend's birthday but we were mad at each other. So he went out with his bff, Lil A and apparently Lil D was asked to tag along. Knowing the situation, Lil D should have just stayed her ass at home but NO, she opted to hang out. Now a real friend would have went, peeped the scene, got the juice and updated me on the things that went on in my absence. She obviously was no friend of mine. So I was not concerned with anything that had went on until the next day. Called my friends, no answer. Called my boo, no answer. Finally I talked to HIM before I talked to either of them. He told me they hung out and ended up spending the night at a hotel. So my boo's bff and Lil A slept together, and my boo and Lil D slept together!! WTF!!! And to make matters worse, she took off her pants and slept with her T-SHIRT and her PANTIES on. He told me nothing happened but she was trying to get close in the bed and rub her titties on him. Now who fucking knows, he could have been putting the 10 on the 2 but what other choice did I have but to believe him. He came forward first. Neither of them told me anything until I had a story from him. No. 1, it is NEVER ok to sleep in the bed with my man. No. 2, how fucking dare you take off anything BITCH, you should have kept ya muh fucking clothes on...I don't care if you had on an evening dress bitch! No. 3, did you think it was going to be okay to avoid my calls and were you ever going to tell me what went down if he didn't? Long story short, I cut that bitch completely off and made her life miserable for a good year or so. Maybe someone could tell in the comment section that time in particular up in the Bay, hahaha! She gave me card apologizing and what not but there was no way I could ever trust her again. What was that?? what ever happened with the boo??? Of course you know my stupid ass kept him around for more shenanigan's!!! I guess I use to like drama.
Okay, so once again ladies (and gents) it's your turn. Tell me a story about when one of your so called friends betrayed you.
I add to my THINGS TO DO list, never befriend an adult who weighs less than 100 pounds who's boobs are bigger than her head.

Giving up, giving in or socking somebody in they muh fuckin face.....

Why are guys so fucking triflin??? This is one thing I just don't get. I believe I mentioned in one of my previous blogs that guys aren't too good at concealing their indiscretions but at some point YOU GOTS TO DO BETTER. They always claim they "never meant to hurt you" or "they are sooooo sorry" or ask "what can I do to make it better"? You can fucking stop doing the stupid shit that got you here in the first fucking place. And unfortunately after significant time has passed and a certain bond has been created it becomes increasingly harder to walk away. Why is this? Do we value ourselves less now that we are in this relationship? Do we think we can change them? Do we secretly like to be treated like chattel? Because if a man shows signs of a disrespectful, selfish, controlling two timing dog in the beginning, chances are they don't get very far. It's only after they set the tone for a fabulous relationship and then turn the freaking tables on us is it then even a question as to whether you should stay or go. Go bitch go!!! Head for the hills, Beverly Hills shit...you can be broke and miserable all by your damn self. If you're going to deal a man's shit then he might as well have some paper to drop on you. Fuck, I'm tired of being put through bull shit and then having to buy my own McDonald's. What the fuck do I have you for you sorry bastard.
Here's my story, so it was my birthday and I was filling out applications for law school. It was the deadline for a couple of schools. Anyone that knows me knows I wait until the last minute for things so at the 11th hour I was finishing up the applications. Headed to the post office cause they had to be postmarked that day. My boyfriend had planned an extravagant evening for us, in an attempt to make up for the several birthdays which went by and he didn't nothing. So we get to the post office and FUCK the line is out the fucking door. I'm secretly heated but it had to get done. This fool hops out the car and goes OFF. Shouting and spitting and shit all in my muh fucking face. People are looking in shock. I'm trying to keep my composure so I wouldn't appear scared. Oh but a bitch was scared!! So by the time I got the applications mailed off his plans for me were ruined. He drove me home dropped me off and went on about his business. Mind you in the back seat of the truck there was about 15 white boxes with red ribbons. A couple days later after he calmed down and I forgave him he gave me 1 of the gifts because it was not returnable. That ninja really returned all my muh fucking gifts, dirty bastard!! And you wanna know what he gave me, a cheesy hello kitty house phone! I was so freaking mad. But as we tend to do, I blamed myself for doing things so late and chalked it up and continued to be with his ass. WHY???? Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.
Anywho, ladies (and gentlemen if you must), tell me about the worst a man has done to you. I'm talking about lying, cheating, beating, stealing, and killing (oh lawd hopefully I don't get any posts from a dead bitch)!
Add to my THINGS TO DO LIST, never deal with an indian giver!