The N-word

WTF is the world coming to??? So today after a beautiful weekend in Cancun I'm confronted with a most important decision at the workplace. My WHITE secretary tells me she has a funny joke. One that her and her family sat around and laughed so hard about because they thought it so funny. So she proceeds to tell the joke, "God gave a little black boy wings. The boy asks God, does this make me an angel? No Nigga that makes you a bat"!!! All the while she can hardly stop herself from laughing!!! At this point I am in shock. Did she really think that was okay?? The answer is YES she did. So I immediately tell her that it was quite offensive, that I couldn't believe she would use the n-word in my presence, that I can't believe that her and her family sit around telling nigga jokes and think that's okay!! She claims that EVERY BLACK person has told her that its okay to use NIGGA just not NIGGER and that its not fair that "we" can use it and "they" can't...that's "racial" in and of itself. I told her that it is NEVER okay and that I was literall in shock that she would argue for her ability to use the n-word. Needless to say, she walked out of my office crying. Then like the coward she is, sent me a email telling me that she was offended that I was offended.
HER EMAIL: After all the time we worked together, it really hurts me that you would think that me and my family would sit around and "tell black jokes." I never really thought of you as a "black" person, you were just my friend. I thought that by now you would realize that race is not an issue with me, I was just sharing something I thought was funny, as I have laughed at many "white" jokes and I am white. If that is really what you think of me, then maybe you would prefer to stick to work related conversations and not say anything more. It really hurts me that you would think of me that way. I am soory I offended you, but you offended me too. No further conversation is needed on this, I just wanted you to know how I felt without you seeing me cry.

MY RESPONSE: Amy, I am confused as to what you are offended about. I have never said anything deragatory towards you or your race. I have never use racially offensive words in reference to you or anyone of your race. I am still in shock that you felt it okay to tell a joke using the n-word in my presence. Regardless of what you think about me, I AM BLACK, no matter how light skin and long my hair is. And the fact that you don't see the problem in using the n-word is even more offensive. That you would justify it by saying that "we" use it all the time so why can't you, "thats not fair." I am literally blown away. That word carries meaning that you will never understand. Contrary to all these "black" people that have told you it is okay to use NIGGA just not NIGGER, let me tell you that it is NEVER okay to use the n-word in my presence in reference to my race and my family and ME.
And since we are on the subject, let me tell you that when you said that "I don't look black because most black people have short hair" and that "you hate when black people pull their hair back in little pigtails," that was offensive. When you said "that your husband didn't like your shirt because it was too black" that was offensive. When you said that Tia's friend "is so black that when you turn off the lights you can't see her anymore" that is offensive.
Not sure what you are crying about because I am the one who is hurt.

After a few conversations I decided that the best thing for me to do was leave because it was destined to get ugly in there. My boss called later on because he was in trial to talk about what happened. His argument was that you have to "consider the source." That "she's not that intelligent" and has no "social graces" and really thought that we were cool enough for her to use the n-word. The conversation got a little heated because at the same time I knew nothing was going to be done about it. It is infuriating that in 2007 a WHITE woman can tell NIGGA jokes in the workplace with minimal consequences for her ignorance.
And what's crazy is she had been sitting on this joke for 5 fucking days. She emailed me the joke to which I didn't respond while I was on vacation and the first thing 5 days later she says to me was did you my email. I said no to try and give her a chance to redeem herself. Never thinking in a million years she would say the word. The joke could easily be told without the use of the n-word but I guess saying it made her feel superior in some way. While I knew I would never work at a place which condoned behavior like this, do you know that this chick packed up my shit as if she had unilaterally made the decision. She is lucky that 1996 me didn't surface because in my opinion, those are fighting words.
Okay my fellow black brethren, please comment as I hope these comments will be seen by someone who needs a fucking reality check!
And just to clear any confusion, I was not technically an employee of this office anymore. As many of you know I am moving to DC in 3 weeks and was only there to clean up a few loose ends. So unfortunately her words are not actionable but believe you me, this is not the end!

2 pump chump

So I am sitting here horny thinking about past experiences and it dawned on me that I have yet to touch on the issue of the "2 pump chump" also known as, minute man, quicker dicker, fast Jack, in-n-out, speedy weenie, hasty hotdog, rapid rover...you get the point.

Now I've never made an issue over this (to his face) but I find it quite troubling. It is well understood that it takes longer for a woman to get aroused than for most men...this is a given. And if you have gotten your rocks off in less than five minutes I can assure you there is no way you satisfied your woman. So what do you do?? Men: if you know that you came a little too quick I think you should properly addressed the situation. Getting up and going to the bathroom as if you've just accomplished something is NOT it. Little do you know I'm snickering behind your back waiting for the first opportunity to text my girl. And believe you'll never touch this again...how selfish of you! You need to be a man and step to the plate and admit your misgivings and assure us you will correct your wrongs momentarily. You can take a nap, a shower, watch a porno, take a viagra, anything you gotta do to get that bad boy back up but don't ever let me go to sleep after 2 pumps...CHUMP!! I mean what the fuck am I suppose to do with that? The only thing you've done at that point was wake her up and now you want her to go back to sleep without being fed? Come the fuck on...not fair. We understand "it happens" but just because shit happens don't make it right. Let me reiterate...correct your wrongs homeboy. Some advice, if you eat it in the beginning we're less likely to care when, where, why, or how you finish.

I tell you about a guy I once knew. It was actually an EX who happened to be at the right place at the right time. It had been a long while since we had first done the do. I didn't remember too much about it only that he wasn't real sensitive to my needs but I didn't hold that against him. He always spoke very highly of his D which is typically suspect to begin with. No sooner than we laid down did I find him finish and up and headed to the shower as if his actions warranted the need for refreshment. I was literally shocked and confused and because there was no love it took everything in me to not say something. I mean seriously, what am I suppose to do with that? I surely thought he was coming back for round 2, shit maybe even round 3 because round 1 didn't really exist in my mind. Sadly enough, he was done and yes I was done. I could barely stand to look at him so I got dressed and faked a heart attack. Would rather sit in the hospital than on his couch cause somebody was gonna die and it wasn't gonna be me. WTF!