So I feel the need to share a story from last night to get some feedback so I can make a final determination as to how I feel about this whole situation. I invited my girl out last night to this BET pre-party at club Royale. It ended up being a bigger deal than anticipated. So my girl gets to my house and is like UGH! I'm like UGH what?!?!? She's like, you don't know how to have a boyfriend. I'm like what are you talking about? Now it would have been reasonable for her to be referencing the fact that I spend a whole lot of time with my dude and rarely see her and/or talk to her anymore. There's more to that story but I'll just move on. So, I'm like WHAT!!!!! She's like, what do you have on...why do you have so many clothes on...you look like somebody's wife (exactly)...like you have a family waiting for you at home (what I strive for, duh). Ok and what exactly do you want me to do with this information! So I took it to mean she didn't like what I had on!!! She's like, look what I'm wearing...this is all I'm wearing, displaying a cute little green number, I ain't mad! Now the fact that I didn't laugh should have at least been a hint but no she continues to slam my outfit. I'm like dang "that's not nice....and well I thought I looked cute when I got dressed." What the fuck are you trying to say?!?!?! So she finally got wind that I wasn't feeling her commentary and she's like, oh well your shirt is cute. Um a tad bit too late sweetie. So I was completely detached the whole night. Didn't really want to go in the first place and was really irritated now that my homegirl basically pumped me all the way down. Who wants to hear that shit on the way out?!?!? Was I suppose to change my clothes to appease her? I didn't and didn't find any problem with guys trying to hollah. That's gonna happen regardless. I don't need to be naked to have ninjas on my team. So anywho, the night was kind of a bust but what's funny is I just saw pictures from the party on wireimage and I'm like wow...all that happened?! I stayed my ass in the corner all night not wanting to be bothered. My beautiful sis showed up and kind of bridged the gap. After my boo got there I focused all my attention on him and tried leave that other situation alone because I was quite perturbed. Again I ask, who does that???
I add to MY THINGS TO DO LIST, next time I don't like something my "friend" is wearing, be very vocal about it just before we go out! WTF!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Baby Mama's..................
Y’all don’t get it twisted; this is surely not an anthem praising those whom we now refer to as “Baby Mama’s.” This is more of a support group for those of us who have to deal with these biatches! Let’s start by defining what exactly a Baby Mama is. Simply put, a Baby Mama is someone who has had a child out of wedlock. For whatever reason, she opted to have a child without being married to his or her father. In my experience, 90% of Baby Mama’s are not with their child’s father, hence the term Baby Mama derived by Baby Daddy's for lack of better verbiage to describe the woman who is now giving their present girlfriends all kinds of ridiculous drama. Now there are at least 3 different types of Baby Mama Drama; equally stressful yet some more manageable than others.
Situation #1, we’ll call it “Baby Mama I got my own Drama” – this kind of situation involves a Baby Mama whom has since moved on and started a new life with someone else and only involves your boyfriend a/k/a her Baby Daddy for money and babysitting services. This Baby Mama, or BM, typically has a job, makes decent money, can’t stand her Baby Daddy, but chooses the high road and wants her child to have a father so she deals with him in doses. She allows visitation and collects a check every now and again for the hard work she puts in on a regular basis. Now this chick I can deal with. If it didn’t work out with y’all, the intelligent thing to do is move on and not hold a grudge for the rest of your life. You both are equally responsible and should share the responsibility accordingly. It is not necessary to curse his name at every given moment and attempt to make his life miserable just because you are now miserable. She is now more concerned that her new man is drinking all the babies milk, sitting on the couch playing Madden and expecting dinner when she gets home from a long day’s work. But I can’t even get into that because that’s a problem in and of itself (she needs to figure out why her pussy is attracting these types of guys but whatever). Like I said, this situation I can deal with.
Situation #2, we’ll call it “Baby Mama thought he was the one and now that maybe he’s not I don’t know what to do Drama” - A little more complicated and extremely hard to deal with. Now this chick had the child thinking that she was going to marry her Baby Daddy and live happily ever after. Not! So for whatever reason, they didn’t work out. Maybe he cheated, maybe he combed her hair, maybe she wasn’t satisfying him so he had to look elsewhere, maybe she was so fucking pressed that she stressed him the fuck out and pushed him away. So she still loves him, and him her, but she can’t get over the bullshit that occurred in the relationship. He feels guilty so he showers her with gifts, pays her phone bill, her car is in his name, spends most holidays with the “family,” always answers her phone calls and she doesn’t know anything about you. However, because he presently ain’t getting no ass from his BM (they’ve probably had sex 2-3x since they’ve been broken up), he has moved on and is getting it somewhere else. So he has a quasi-relationship with the chick he fucks but can’t commit to anything because he just might try and make his “family” work for the sake of the kids. So you’re caught in a no win situation cause now you have fallen in love with him. You love and respect him so much that one day when she popped up at his apartment you hid out in the spare bedroom until she left. Or you tend to keep quiet when he’s on the phone with her. Or you see her friends out at a club and you’re okay with being introduced as his client. So now you are pressed about having a relationship with him and he can’t give you a fucking answer cause he is waiting on her to decide whether she will take him back and in that case you’re shit out of luck! Your chances are not good so play at your own risk!
Situation #3, we’ll call it “Baby Mama he belongs to me forever Drama” – This situation is pointless and I suggest you run for the hills. So this chick thinks that her Baby Daddy belongs to her and that as long as she has a say she will never allow him to be happy with another woman. So she pops up at his crib, at his job, at the club and sometimes maybe even at your job. She found out who you were because the last time she was at his crib she got your number out of his 2way while he was in the bathroom. She calls you and asks why you are ruining her life. She leaves notes on your car after you’ve spent the night calling you a ho and a home wrecker. She dope fiend you in the club and at that time you didn’t even know who she was. She found your myspace page and has her friends send you messages. He trys to stay out of it because he enjoys the drama and ultimately loves his BM and doesn’t care enough about you to stop her disrespect. You are never invited to family functions because the BM has an open invitation. He tells you his BM is crazy but doesn’t do anything to stop the madness. Very clear signs that he doesn’t love you but yet you continue to take the abuse because you’ve never been fucked like that before. No dick is worth all this so just let her have his trifling ass!
Now if your situation falls into one of these categories, which is by no means exhausted, you have many options. You can leave. I know it will hurt now but in the long run you might be better off. How much do you have to suffer before you realize enough is enough? In most cases, he loves his BM, and how can he not love the woman who bore his child. He feels guilty for all the hurt that he’s caused her and will sometimes dedicate his life to making up for his mistakes even if it costs him his own happiness. Sometimes his trifling ways should be enough for you to leave him alone and move on to bigger and better things. No man is worth all that. If we cared about ourselves more maybe we wouldn’t put up with bullshit. I find that women who come from two parent homes are less likely to deal with nonsense. They know what it means for a man to truly love a woman and expect that for their own lives. Sometimes I feel that woman without kids are better off with men without kids albeit a man without children is not the norm in our society. Because men’s lives typically don’t change when they have children they are much more likely to have them starting at a very young age. Comedians, TV shows, people in general, laugh of this epidemic of Baby Mama Drama but if you’re living it you are less likely to think the shit is funny. Matters of the heart are not funny. It doesn’t feel good to know that one woman will always have an edge over you. No matter how much you try you can never compete. You’ve lost before you’ve even started. Who wants to play a game that you can’t win. Why waste the time?
Is Baby Mama Drama worth it?
Additionally, and in response to Anonymous' comment, I'd like to salute those BMs who have chosen to put their children's happiness first. Obviously this rant of mine does not speak to every BM/BD situation out there. No offense to those of y'all who aren't presently making my life a living hell!
I add to my THINGS TO DO LIST, after this one -- never date a man with children!
Situation #1, we’ll call it “Baby Mama I got my own Drama” – this kind of situation involves a Baby Mama whom has since moved on and started a new life with someone else and only involves your boyfriend a/k/a her Baby Daddy for money and babysitting services. This Baby Mama, or BM, typically has a job, makes decent money, can’t stand her Baby Daddy, but chooses the high road and wants her child to have a father so she deals with him in doses. She allows visitation and collects a check every now and again for the hard work she puts in on a regular basis. Now this chick I can deal with. If it didn’t work out with y’all, the intelligent thing to do is move on and not hold a grudge for the rest of your life. You both are equally responsible and should share the responsibility accordingly. It is not necessary to curse his name at every given moment and attempt to make his life miserable just because you are now miserable. She is now more concerned that her new man is drinking all the babies milk, sitting on the couch playing Madden and expecting dinner when she gets home from a long day’s work. But I can’t even get into that because that’s a problem in and of itself (she needs to figure out why her pussy is attracting these types of guys but whatever). Like I said, this situation I can deal with.
Situation #2, we’ll call it “Baby Mama thought he was the one and now that maybe he’s not I don’t know what to do Drama” - A little more complicated and extremely hard to deal with. Now this chick had the child thinking that she was going to marry her Baby Daddy and live happily ever after. Not! So for whatever reason, they didn’t work out. Maybe he cheated, maybe he combed her hair, maybe she wasn’t satisfying him so he had to look elsewhere, maybe she was so fucking pressed that she stressed him the fuck out and pushed him away. So she still loves him, and him her, but she can’t get over the bullshit that occurred in the relationship. He feels guilty so he showers her with gifts, pays her phone bill, her car is in his name, spends most holidays with the “family,” always answers her phone calls and she doesn’t know anything about you. However, because he presently ain’t getting no ass from his BM (they’ve probably had sex 2-3x since they’ve been broken up), he has moved on and is getting it somewhere else. So he has a quasi-relationship with the chick he fucks but can’t commit to anything because he just might try and make his “family” work for the sake of the kids. So you’re caught in a no win situation cause now you have fallen in love with him. You love and respect him so much that one day when she popped up at his apartment you hid out in the spare bedroom until she left. Or you tend to keep quiet when he’s on the phone with her. Or you see her friends out at a club and you’re okay with being introduced as his client. So now you are pressed about having a relationship with him and he can’t give you a fucking answer cause he is waiting on her to decide whether she will take him back and in that case you’re shit out of luck! Your chances are not good so play at your own risk!
Situation #3, we’ll call it “Baby Mama he belongs to me forever Drama” – This situation is pointless and I suggest you run for the hills. So this chick thinks that her Baby Daddy belongs to her and that as long as she has a say she will never allow him to be happy with another woman. So she pops up at his crib, at his job, at the club and sometimes maybe even at your job. She found out who you were because the last time she was at his crib she got your number out of his 2way while he was in the bathroom. She calls you and asks why you are ruining her life. She leaves notes on your car after you’ve spent the night calling you a ho and a home wrecker. She dope fiend you in the club and at that time you didn’t even know who she was. She found your myspace page and has her friends send you messages. He trys to stay out of it because he enjoys the drama and ultimately loves his BM and doesn’t care enough about you to stop her disrespect. You are never invited to family functions because the BM has an open invitation. He tells you his BM is crazy but doesn’t do anything to stop the madness. Very clear signs that he doesn’t love you but yet you continue to take the abuse because you’ve never been fucked like that before. No dick is worth all this so just let her have his trifling ass!
Now if your situation falls into one of these categories, which is by no means exhausted, you have many options. You can leave. I know it will hurt now but in the long run you might be better off. How much do you have to suffer before you realize enough is enough? In most cases, he loves his BM, and how can he not love the woman who bore his child. He feels guilty for all the hurt that he’s caused her and will sometimes dedicate his life to making up for his mistakes even if it costs him his own happiness. Sometimes his trifling ways should be enough for you to leave him alone and move on to bigger and better things. No man is worth all that. If we cared about ourselves more maybe we wouldn’t put up with bullshit. I find that women who come from two parent homes are less likely to deal with nonsense. They know what it means for a man to truly love a woman and expect that for their own lives. Sometimes I feel that woman without kids are better off with men without kids albeit a man without children is not the norm in our society. Because men’s lives typically don’t change when they have children they are much more likely to have them starting at a very young age. Comedians, TV shows, people in general, laugh of this epidemic of Baby Mama Drama but if you’re living it you are less likely to think the shit is funny. Matters of the heart are not funny. It doesn’t feel good to know that one woman will always have an edge over you. No matter how much you try you can never compete. You’ve lost before you’ve even started. Who wants to play a game that you can’t win. Why waste the time?
Is Baby Mama Drama worth it?
Additionally, and in response to Anonymous' comment, I'd like to salute those BMs who have chosen to put their children's happiness first. Obviously this rant of mine does not speak to every BM/BD situation out there. No offense to those of y'all who aren't presently making my life a living hell!
I add to my THINGS TO DO LIST, after this one -- never date a man with children!
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