WTF is the world coming to??? So today after a beautiful weekend in Cancun I'm confronted with a most important decision at the workplace. My WHITE secretary tells me she has a funny joke. One that her and her family sat around and laughed so hard about because they thought it so funny. So she proceeds to tell the joke, "God gave a little black boy wings. The boy asks God, does this make me an angel? No Nigga that makes you a bat"!!! All the while she can hardly stop herself from laughing!!! At this point I am in shock. Did she really think that was okay?? The answer is YES she did. So I immediately tell her that it was quite offensive, that I couldn't believe she would use the n-word in my presence, that I can't believe that her and her family sit around telling nigga jokes and think that's okay!! She claims that EVERY BLACK person has told her that its okay to use NIGGA just not NIGGER and that its not fair that "we" can use it and "they" can't...that's "racial" in and of itself. I told her that it is NEVER okay and that I was literall in shock that she would argue for her ability to use the n-word. Needless to say, she walked out of my office crying. Then like the coward she is, sent me a email telling me that she was offended that I was offended.
HER EMAIL: After all the time we worked together, it really hurts me that you would think that me and my family would sit around and "tell black jokes." I never really thought of you as a "black" person, you were just my friend. I thought that by now you would realize that race is not an issue with me, I was just sharing something I thought was funny, as I have laughed at many "white" jokes and I am white. If that is really what you think of me, then maybe you would prefer to stick to work related conversations and not say anything more. It really hurts me that you would think of me that way. I am soory I offended you, but you offended me too. No further conversation is needed on this, I just wanted you to know how I felt without you seeing me cry.
MY RESPONSE: Amy, I am confused as to what you are offended about. I have never said anything deragatory towards you or your race. I have never use racially offensive words in reference to you or anyone of your race. I am still in shock that you felt it okay to tell a joke using the n-word in my presence. Regardless of what you think about me, I AM BLACK, no matter how light skin and long my hair is. And the fact that you don't see the problem in using the n-word is even more offensive. That you would justify it by saying that "we" use it all the time so why can't you, "thats not fair." I am literally blown away. That word carries meaning that you will never understand. Contrary to all these "black" people that have told you it is okay to use NIGGA just not NIGGER, let me tell you that it is NEVER okay to use the n-word in my presence in reference to my race and my family and ME.
And since we are on the subject, let me tell you that when you said that "I don't look black because most black people have short hair" and that "you hate when black people pull their hair back in little pigtails," that was offensive. When you said "that your husband didn't like your shirt because it was too black" that was offensive. When you said that Tia's friend "is so black that when you turn off the lights you can't see her anymore" that is offensive.
Not sure what you are crying about because I am the one who is hurt.
After a few conversations I decided that the best thing for me to do was leave because it was destined to get ugly in there. My boss called later on because he was in trial to talk about what happened. His argument was that you have to "consider the source." That "she's not that intelligent" and has no "social graces" and really thought that we were cool enough for her to use the n-word. The conversation got a little heated because at the same time I knew nothing was going to be done about it. It is infuriating that in 2007 a WHITE woman can tell NIGGA jokes in the workplace with minimal consequences for her ignorance.
And what's crazy is she had been sitting on this joke for 5 fucking days. She emailed me the joke to which I didn't respond while I was on vacation and the first thing 5 days later she says to me was did you my email. I said no to try and give her a chance to redeem herself. Never thinking in a million years she would say the word. The joke could easily be told without the use of the n-word but I guess saying it made her feel superior in some way. While I knew I would never work at a place which condoned behavior like this, do you know that this chick packed up my shit as if she had unilaterally made the decision. She is lucky that 1996 me didn't surface because in my opinion, those are fighting words.
Okay my fellow black brethren, please comment as I hope these comments will be seen by someone who needs a fucking reality check!
And just to clear any confusion, I was not technically an employee of this office anymore. As many of you know I am moving to DC in 3 weeks and was only there to clean up a few loose ends. So unfortunately her words are not actionable but believe you me, this is not the end!
9 comments:
Another thought, I think that in some small and possibly even unconscious way she's taking "black" jabs at you because she is YOUR secretary, unaccomplished, clearly not well educated, and is jealous and/or confused by your appearance, status and education. I can NOT believe some of the OTHER comments she made as well. In addition to the n-word, she really thought it was ok to say that someone was so dark you couldn't see them when the lights went out?! She is literally ASKING to get her ass whoooooped on. That is all.
Okay, hold up! I'm really going to try not to lose my religion on this one...but damn! That heffa is really lucky that we are grown and professional these days! All she tried to do was save face, 'cause she KNEW she was clearly in the wrong. Don't tell me she wouldn't have, in turn, been offended if you made any reference to her people as "cracker" or honkey"! And for the record, someone needs to let her know that not ALL black people use the "n word", and her nonsense is one of the reasons a lot of us have tried to minimize usage of that word. She needs to go home and get on her knees and thank the Lord that she didn't get her a** beat after all of that nonsense! She would've been much better off just apologizing for offending you, and then just leaving it alone. Not only did she use the "n word", but in very poor taste...the whole joke was offensive, in my opinion! And one other thing she needs to know: it doesn't matter what shade or color you are, its all about the struggle, and we all have experienced it in different ways- something she will ALWAYS be clueless about. You stood your ground cousin, in a very professional way!
Gabby
Yeah thank goodness 1996 you stayed hidden or else you might have needed representation yourself for battery! Lucky her!
Big Lil Bro
I'm more in awe at the fact that your former boss minimized/condoned the situation! (Are we sure your tying up loose ends can't somehow give rise to an actionable claim? Or maybe you can just threaten to sue?) As for the secretary, if she was ignorant enough to say the joke TWICE, then it's no surprise she found your response offensive. Dumb broad!
Well what do you expect from a uneducated, naive, jealous white secretary. She thinks just because you guys have had some office laughs that you are her 'homegirl.' So she felt comfortable enough to joke with you how she and her white counterparts do. This situation just shows how far we as a people have not come. There are still so many ignorant people in the world. I'm just glad that you held your cool, (as I know that is so out of your character) and did not let the 1996 version of yourself come out. You handled it well, and I think she'll view using that word differently now. You shoulc have told her a derogatory joke about white people and then maybe she would understand your point of view better.
D
I mean you know how I feel. I'd merely tell her, "listen sweetheart, since you wanna be so down...i.e. make "darkie" jokes and flop around the n-word, perhaps you should know that we buried the n-word quite some time ago in Detroit. If you're gonna be down, you have to be down all the way around bitch!" While the 1996 Southern Comfort may have been a tad bit "hood", it would have been soooo funny for her to expose herself just one last time and show her how a real live nigga gets down!
Its horrible to think not only did ol’ girl tell the joke twice and put it in writing (the email) but also that your boss excused it by saying that she is uneducated or whatever. That excuses and or condones the behavior. Its never ok to make racial slurs especially to a person of the targeted group and its really not ok for management to condone it …but we have to remember where we are (America) and no matter how far we have come we still have a long fight ahead because of people like that…. We were brought over here against our will and then the powers that be condoned and even took part in institutionalized racism so it should not surprise me that your boss excused your secretary’s actions but it pisses me the hell off. But You handled it well…. And I agree with nik ol’ girl is threatened by what you have achieved and what she has failed to achieve……
Hi i'm new to your blog and i really enjoy posts. This is the heights of ignorance. I mean even the Dog Chapman controversy has me confused...WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON!!!!!!!! I mean when did the N word become acceptable in conversation and then to try to defend it (a vs er) I'm done
Grow up and get over it!!! Get a life!!!
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